They say that the first heartbreak is the heartbreak that hurts the most, this is because after the first, you already know how to deal with the following heartbreaks, but recently I found out that it is not true.
The heartbreaks that follow the first are the ones that hurts the most and the hurt increase with every heartbreak.
Of course with the 2nd, 3rd and so on you already know how to deal with, but knowing is different from feeling, understanding and accepting. The heartbreaks that follow the first hurts more because this time you blame yourself more than you do before. The things that you thought you learned seemed confusing now and you cant accept that you’re back in the dark singing “Fool Again”. Your self doubt bigger than before, you have given what was little left of you that was whole and then it gets broken again, and even though you had already deduced a formula on how to move on that was so effective during your first heartbreak, you’ll find out that the formula doesn’t work this time. Even if in your heart you knew that you loved less than your first you still feel so much more pain.
Everyday that you wake up you don’t know how to remove yourself from the place that your are in right now. You have been there before but it hurts more to see yourself in that place again, and as much as you want to leave you’ll find out that every new day will see you on that same spot over and over until God knows when. The hurt harder to bear, that it affects your whole being not just your heart.